kids backpacks gap image
Jillian
So my son is 8 1/2. His dad and I have been split up for 4 years and I have recently gotten full custody of him. His dad lost visitation for a while but has been gaining that back since November. He (the dad) now lives back with his parents while he gets back on his feet but by him living there- his mom (the grandma) is also there, spending just as much time with our son as the dad does.
She does anything and everything that she can for my son. She will ask him what he wants for dinner and then no matter what he says, she will make sure that's what they cook or order. It doesn't matter if its Chicken and a hamburger and fish, they will make it all. If my son brings his backpack and toys over there, she will carry his toys for him-- my rule is not to bring anything you can't carry.
The arranged days that my son goes over there are Wed overnight and one weekend day overnight and then he goes skiing with them on Thursdays. So he is now spending quite a bit of time with them.
Every time my son comes home, I feel like his manners are just gone. He doesn't clean up after himself. He doesn't say please or thank you. He holds things out or holds his hand out if he wants or doesn't want something... doesn't use his words just tries to hand it off.
His dad has asked grandma to stop coddling our son and let him be more independent but she does what she wants. It is driving me crazy! And my son gets in trouble when he comes home if he isn't using good manners and being respectful...
What can I do!?!
I know I need to talk to her but is that enough!? She hasn't cared or stopped yet in these 8+ years :(
Answer
Talk to his grandmother and talk to your son. Make sure he knows what is acceptable behavior and what you expect of him. For example my little brother, who is also around you son's age, has a friend who is spoiled rotten. Like in me and my brother the age gap between him and his older siblings is about ten years, so he is seen as the baby thus spoiled rotten. When he first started going over there I thought that my brother might pick up on his habits and expect things to just be handed to him, for instance one time my brother told his friend that he was saving up his allowance that he gets for doing small chores around the house, to buy a Lego set well his little friend told him that he shouldn't have to do that, that he should just continue to ask for it until he got it and it's stuff like that he is always telling my brother the things that he should and shouldn't have to do, but we talked to brother and he now understands that things aren't just handed to you, you have to work for them. For instance right now we have a deal going on with my brother, if he can get a 4.0 for this school year we'll buy him a new Lego set, which he is working hard for trying to raise his current grade of a 3.6. So like I said just talk to him before and after he spends time with his grandmother, so he knows how what it is you want from him and talk to your son's father too, make sure you guys are on the same page.
Oh and to that one person I dont see how she is ruining her son's life, a lot of kids grow up with divorced parents and are perfectly fine. All kids really need to while growing up is to feel safe and loved which I'm sure is how her son feels.
Talk to his grandmother and talk to your son. Make sure he knows what is acceptable behavior and what you expect of him. For example my little brother, who is also around you son's age, has a friend who is spoiled rotten. Like in me and my brother the age gap between him and his older siblings is about ten years, so he is seen as the baby thus spoiled rotten. When he first started going over there I thought that my brother might pick up on his habits and expect things to just be handed to him, for instance one time my brother told his friend that he was saving up his allowance that he gets for doing small chores around the house, to buy a Lego set well his little friend told him that he shouldn't have to do that, that he should just continue to ask for it until he got it and it's stuff like that he is always telling my brother the things that he should and shouldn't have to do, but we talked to brother and he now understands that things aren't just handed to you, you have to work for them. For instance right now we have a deal going on with my brother, if he can get a 4.0 for this school year we'll buy him a new Lego set, which he is working hard for trying to raise his current grade of a 3.6. So like I said just talk to him before and after he spends time with his grandmother, so he knows how what it is you want from him and talk to your son's father too, make sure you guys are on the same page.
Oh and to that one person I dont see how she is ruining her son's life, a lot of kids grow up with divorced parents and are perfectly fine. All kids really need to while growing up is to feel safe and loved which I'm sure is how her son feels.
How many of you have taken breaks and quit your job to rest for a while?
SimpleWay
Hi! Have you taken breaks from work and quit your job or taken no pay leave to rest or to do some other things? Share about the things that you pursued.
Should I fee down for taking a 3 months break from work? My emotions were quite low while in my previous teaching job.
Answer
You need to be prepared to answer for any gaps in your resume, when you do start looking again. You may have a perfectly good reason but you have to spin it properly when you explain that. "I quit my job and slept for three months" will not sound as good as "I needed a break, so I saved for a year then took a backpacking trip through Europe/remodelled my house/took my family on vacation/spent some extra time at home with my kids" even if you are talking about the same situation.
One thing that tends to creep in after being out of work from burnout...is a sense of laziness and a little depression.
Make sure that you are financially prepared for gaps in your employment. Think about emergency money, cost of living increases (including our beloved gasoline) as well as savings. Don't step out of a job if you don't have a plan.
You might consider a different kind of job all together while you get some distance from your career job. Maybe instead of choosing to be unemployed totally, you can do something that is the opposite of what you do now. If you always work indoors, take something outdoors (now is the time to line up something temporary for the summer) or if you are in a people sort of job, do something industrial. If you look at your skills in a broad sense you can apply many of them to any job. Things like organizing skills, basic work ethic, computer skills, people skills.
Related, maybe you can do exactly your job but renew your spirits in a different way. Maybe you can go to a different city or a different company. Maybe you can start preparing for a promotion, such as taking some extra classes. Off the job too...join a hobby group, take up a cause. Sometimes stagnant feelings have nothing to do with the job, and a little boost from our social scene makes everything better.
Last thing is that I can commend you for realizing that you may need a break and to do something about it before there is a huge gap in your productivity.
EDIT NOW: See if you can talk to someone at work, sort of off the record...and find out if you would HAVE to quit your job in order to take some time off. There may be a way to get a sabbatical, an extended leave or vacation. I would definitely max out my vacation/PTO days and see if that helps before I assume I need to leave the job.
You need to be prepared to answer for any gaps in your resume, when you do start looking again. You may have a perfectly good reason but you have to spin it properly when you explain that. "I quit my job and slept for three months" will not sound as good as "I needed a break, so I saved for a year then took a backpacking trip through Europe/remodelled my house/took my family on vacation/spent some extra time at home with my kids" even if you are talking about the same situation.
One thing that tends to creep in after being out of work from burnout...is a sense of laziness and a little depression.
Make sure that you are financially prepared for gaps in your employment. Think about emergency money, cost of living increases (including our beloved gasoline) as well as savings. Don't step out of a job if you don't have a plan.
You might consider a different kind of job all together while you get some distance from your career job. Maybe instead of choosing to be unemployed totally, you can do something that is the opposite of what you do now. If you always work indoors, take something outdoors (now is the time to line up something temporary for the summer) or if you are in a people sort of job, do something industrial. If you look at your skills in a broad sense you can apply many of them to any job. Things like organizing skills, basic work ethic, computer skills, people skills.
Related, maybe you can do exactly your job but renew your spirits in a different way. Maybe you can go to a different city or a different company. Maybe you can start preparing for a promotion, such as taking some extra classes. Off the job too...join a hobby group, take up a cause. Sometimes stagnant feelings have nothing to do with the job, and a little boost from our social scene makes everything better.
Last thing is that I can commend you for realizing that you may need a break and to do something about it before there is a huge gap in your productivity.
EDIT NOW: See if you can talk to someone at work, sort of off the record...and find out if you would HAVE to quit your job in order to take some time off. There may be a way to get a sabbatical, an extended leave or vacation. I would definitely max out my vacation/PTO days and see if that helps before I assume I need to leave the job.
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Title Post: How should I handle my son's grandmother who insists on coddling my 8 1/2 year old boy?
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Rating: 95% based on 981 ratings. 4,6 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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